Understanding the mind of a 3 year old.

Being a single parent isn’t easy.   I don’t mean the day to day stuff, although that can be a challenge too.  I mean the stuff that appears out of nowhere and throws you.

Toddler has started having issues whenever he comes back from his dads.  Last time, when he got home, he poo’ed his pants for 5 days in a row after being clean for months.  It might have just been a natural potty training blip but it still makes me paranoid that there is something going on in his head.  Every time he comes back, he has an unsettled night.

Last night he woke twice and was really angry both times, crying and kicking his blankets about.  When he got up this morning he was still really angry.  He couldn’t tell me why he was angry but I am now pretty convinced that there is a pattern emerging.

His dad and I have been able to put our personal feelings aside where our son is concerned.  We are friendly and amicable in front of him and we even go for family days out together for Toddler’s benefit.  We still get on as friends and he speaks to his dad every day on the phone and he enjoys looking at photos of himself when he was little and daddy lived with us.  Of course, Toddler can’t remember daddy living at home – he left when Tom was 1. 

He has also started to play one of us off against the other.  Yesterday he told me that when my favourite song came on the car radio, he told daddy that it was my favourite then daddy turned it off and he was sad.  After speaking to daddy, I found out that he did indeed tell daddy it was my favourite song then daddy asked him if he wanted to listen to it and toddler said “no, you can turn it off”.

I wish I could get into the head of a 3 year old and see exactly what is going on.

I have googled the subject to death and found that the unsettled, angry behaviour is quite normal but it still makes me feel guilty.  I am constantly wondering what I can do to make the situation easier for him.  He knows that we both love him and he enjoys the days out that we have together. 

Any advice?  I don’t want to end up with a screwed up angry teenager!

A day in the life of a Tight wearing Tyke - part 2

Quite a long time ago, I posted “A day in the life of a tight wearing tyke”.  I thought perhaps it was time to do another one.  Afterall, a lot has changed in that time.  In the first post, Toddler Tyke was just 18 months old, he is now a strapping 3 year old and has a completely different daytime regime.  Another big difference, is that Daddy Tyke was then living with us, now it is just Mummy and Toddler so, of course, many other aspects of daily life have changed to take this adjustment into consideration.

So, Toddler’s day starts anywhere between 7:00 and 7:30.  He usually lays in his bed talking or singing to himself until he hears me call him.  Then he comes running into my bedroom and jumps into bed for a morning cuddle.  After a sit on the potty and getting dressed, it is downstairs for a drink.  Cup of tea to wake mummy up and usually milk or ‘nana’ milk for Toddler. 

3 days a week, it is then a mad rush to get to nursery on time but today is Wednesday, a more relaxed start to the day as we don’t need to be anywhere until half past 9.  Toddler’s morning routine includes spending at least 15 minutes deciding which cereal he would like.  Weetabix?  Shreddies?  Shapes?  We go through all the options but usually come to the same end result – Ready Brek with raisins. 

After breakfast, it is upstairs to do teeth.  Sounds so simple doesn’t it?  After procrastinating, choosing several toys to take, forgetting something very important when halfway up the stairs and having to go back down for it, more timewasting and eventually we get to the bathroom.  Cue time to clamp mouth tightly shut whilst twisting head in all manner of directions to avoid the toothbrush.  Sigh!

Back downstairs for shoes and coat.  (Coat?  In May?)  This can easily take 20 minutes and usually results in mummy Tyke counting to 3 with the threat of the naughty chair if Toddler doesn’t act upon the given instructions.  Toddler has to do EVERYTHING himself and his way. Often he succeeds but often I hear the words “You must do it mummy” when he realises that actually, he can’t.   Finally, all ready to leave and Toddler decides he is taking his train/peppa pig van/gruffalo bag/slinky/torch with us.  More procrastinating as I tell him in no uncertain terms that we do not need to take toys to Toddler Group.  Instead we agree that Toddler can take his imaginary friends – Twigs and Tree Fu Tom who he has cradled gently in his hands.  Finally, just as I think we are going to get out the door.  Toddler reminds me that Tree Fu Tom and Twigs haven’t brushed their teeth.  Of course! Silly Mummy! After digging out the imaginary toothbrushes to brush their teeth, I am informed that the toothbrushes aren’t kept in the kitchen and I ‘must’ go upstairs to find them.  Sigh.  Count to 10 and calmly tell Toddler that these are the only toothbrushes we have and if he isn’t happy with that, Tree Fu Tom and Twigs will have to go to Toddlers with dirty teeth.

Amazingly, we arrive at Toddler Group just 5 minutes late.  Toddler quickly rushes off to socialise with his little buddies and grab the tools before anyone else spots them whilst I settle myself down for a good old natter with my buddies.

After Toddler Group, it is home for a quick lunch, sit on the potty, grab Toddler’s rucksack and off for an afternoon at nursery.  I don’t need to go into more detail about doing all this I’m sure.  If you need more, just re-read paragraph 5!

4:30 and it is time to pick up Toddler.  Mummy has managed to do a few jobs, a couple of orders and not a lot else.  (Except that lovely cup of tea drunk in complete silence and finished in one sitting!)

Toddler 'helps' me make dinner by taste testing every ingredient as I try to add it to the pan.  After dinner it's play time which at the moment seems to revolve around pretend play.  Toddlers current favourite is making the sofa into a train and taking me on a journey.  He also likes to sit on his trampoline and pretend that he is an ice-cream man - I have been sold some very strange sounding ice-cream flavours over the last few weeks!

Bath and bed are not without their struggles.  Again, procrastination and independence seem to be the theme and everything takes so much longer than it used to!  After I have read Toddler his chosen story, he then likes to read it to me, his own version.  I love listening to how creative he is when he 'reads'. 

Some things don't change from my first post, Toddler in bed and it's time to get to work - maybe with the odd glass of Rose thrown in!

A Tykes Christmas

Christmas 09

This Christmas is the one I have been most looking forward to and most dreading all at the same time. Ever since Toddler Tyke was just a tiny bump, I knew Christmas would never be the same again! I didn’t realise at that time just how different!


Christmas 09 and Toddler was just 8 months old, far too young to appreciate the excitement of it all but he loved the sparkly lights. The day itself was just any other old day to him but to me it was the best Christmas ever! After all, Christmas is all about children. I got excited as I opened his presents for him and became a kid again myself.


Christmas 10 and Toddler Tyke helped me to decorate the tree, or rather undecorated it! He was old enough to unwrap his own presents although was bored of this quite quickly. Again, the sparkly lights were a big hit and again, it was little more than a normal day to him – just with lots of extra toys to play with.

Christmas 10

Christmas number 3 – Toddler Tyke is a fully grown toddler – walking, talking, with his own ideas and opinions and a good understanding of what is going on. The Christmas I have been waiting for!

 

Already, Toddler is talking about Father Christmas and telling me what he would like to receive. This weekend, we went out shopping to choose some lovely new decorations for the tree and got lost in the sparkly lights, tinsel and baubles. He also met Father Christmas and put in his request. He is now old enough to get excited! I can’t wait to see his face when we put his little stocking out, when he sees presents under the tree, when we read the stories about Christmas and most of all, when he opens his presents to find the orange ‘puter he has been absolutely desperate for.

The only downer on the whole thing is the fact that Christmas is a time for families and Toddler will never spend a Christmas with his whole family around him. That makes me really sad. Since being unwillingly transported into the world of the single parent family, Christmas will never be the big family gathering that I wanted him to have.

Even more of a reason to make the most of Christmas this year and realise how lucky I am to get to experience every single second of it. I can’t wait! Bring on the baubles!

Toddler Tyke and Father Christmas - November 11